I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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