you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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