We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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