Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
