somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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