Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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