she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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