I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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