what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
