Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
