Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
