very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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