tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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