There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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