i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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