he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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