She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
