I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
