About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
