i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
