Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
