Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
