I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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