Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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