who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
