i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
