I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
