Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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