He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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