Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
