I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
