yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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