first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
