we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is my gift to your gina
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
