I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize