He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
