guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
