Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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