thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
