Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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