that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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