keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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