you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
