You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
