It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
