i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
