i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
