Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
