Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
