Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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