I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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