jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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