it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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