I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
