i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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