No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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