i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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