i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
porn star boner night. come get it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
