I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
