Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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