It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
