He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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