So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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