I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
