Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
