I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
